005. 1,2,3..Love!

This may seem like I'm contradicting myself since the last entry was about love, but I'm going to write it anyway because I think everyone deserves the truth once in awhile, with this whole world deceiving us everyday.

How can I put this lightly?

Love isn't real.

Okay, love is real. But you can't possibly believe that all these people that say they are in love are really in love. Because they're not. Love isn't common. Love is like the 8th wonder of the world. It's like Carmen San Diego and Waldo, you'll never find them. It's not found in your local grocery store, or can't be ordered over the phone. It's not that kind of thing. Not everyone can love.

Let me restate that. Everyone is capable of love and being loved, but its not that easy. You can't just ask someone to the movies, be together for two months, buy them a ring and say you two are in love. Well, I guess you can, if you're lucky. You see how confusing love is? Don't tell me you think all these people really understand what love is, nor do they know if they're even in it or not.

I can't even define love for you. No one can. I can make up a cute, little subliminal story about how love could possibly feel like. But I cannot tell you what it is. If I could, I'd have auditions for the "love of my life" right now. I can, however, attempt to tell you characteristics of how to conclude if one is truly in love. It's common sense really. You just have to really think about it. But who ever thinks while they're "in love"? No one.

Scenario: Bob wants to go to the club. He asks his boo, Jill, if its okay. She says its fine, she trusts him. He goes. While Bob is at the club, Jill calls 5 times within the first hour. And everytime she calls, she says I love you, and he says I love you, too. Bob doesn't answer the rest of Jills 100 phone calls because he believes she'll ruin his night.

Are Bob and Jill in love? No, they are definitely not. They do not have the number one characteristic of being in love. So, basically, they're lying to eachother. Bob and Jill are not in love because they don't trust eachother. Without trust, there is no love. There is no love if there is no trust. And not just trusting your significant other, but trusting yourself as well. I guaruntee if you don't trust eachother, you'll end up with a thousand meaningless fights, and one of those can easily be the end of your "love." If you trust your significant other, that means you trust and believe every word they say. Believing everything they say doesn't mean your gullible. Believing everything means you trust that they are telling you the truth. And if they trust you, they will tell you the truth. Easy? Because it is. Yet, people continually claim that they trust the person they are with, and then right after they say that they call to make sure they're lover is truly at the park walking the dog, but cover up this lack of trust by saying "I'm just calling because I miss you and I want to talk to you."

Next scenario: Jill wants to go to the gym with her girlfriends because that makes her happy. Bob says no, think of something else to do. The next day, Bob asks Jill if he can go bowling with the guys because that makes him happy. Jill says no, she didn't get to go yesterday, so why should he?

Are Bob and Jill in love? No, not even in this scenario. Love is blissful happiness, yes. But a human can't just live off of love. Although love is the greatest thing ever known to man, there are other things in life than love. Thus said, Love will always let it's significant other do what makes them happy. No if's, and's or but's about this one. Love is exceedingly understanding that no matter what makes your lover happy, you will allow them to enjoy it. If you can't understand, or tolerate what makes them happy, then you don't love them. If your lover enjoys having sex with someone different every night, and you're not okay with that, then you don't love them. Love doesn't object to the happiness of the significant other. If you let Love have their happiness, you will be happily in love. Makes sense? It does to people in love.

Last scenario: Bob spends all his money on partying and clubbing. Jill says thats not good for him or her and that he should stop. Bob plays the guilt card by saying that if she really loved him, she'd support him. Jill continuously begs him to change for her sake. He doesn't. They become homeless.

I don't even think I have to ask the question. Bob and Jill are the farthest thing from love. It's understandable to say that if you love someone, you should love them for who they are, and should not try to change them. Yes, that's true, but if your significant other is changing you for the better, then you will change, regardless if you think its better. If you see your lover unhappy because of something you do, then that's a sign to change. The real theory is that Love will always change, no matter what. But these days, people argue about fairness and individuality, and some people would rather be alone than have some change in their life. It's sad to believe that if you change you will be losing a part of who you are. But think about it, would you rather lose the one you love? If you are willing to change for them, unconditionally, then you love them. Period.

Now understand, if it is really Love then it will all work out. It can't just be one person trusting, and letting their lover be happy, and doing all the changing. No. If it's love, then it will be mutual. This is the hard part. This is when people get confused. It doesn't have to be an exact balance, but it should be close. And the closer it is to being mutually balanced, the more evidence for you to say that you are, indeed, in love.

To conclude, the best way to know if its love or not is if it doesn't end. Because love never ends. It doesn't die. It doesn't fade. Love always stays and it can only learn and grow as it progresses. You can make up all the excuses you can as to why you and your "one true love" aren't together anymore. I'm going to try and break this down as best as I can. Love should work simutanuously, but it doesn't necessarily have to. One of you might need some growing, or maturing, or learning to do, so it might take a month or a year or a couple years until both of you can be in love, together. Until then, the other person has to wait. And waiting is always gambling with life and love, and might just bring the wait-er into an all time low. Nonetheless, if it does end, and no one is willing to wait or give second chances, then it wasn't love.

It has ended. So why do I hurt as though I am in love? Is that your question? Humor me more, please. I have an answer for this, as well. If you are hurting and you are depressed because the one you loved left you, then it wasn't love, as I have already clarified. This is what you call an addiction to LoveDrug. You are going through self-rehabilitation, that's why it hurts.

I will explain LoveDrug in a future entry because it is that complex and this entry is long enough.

If after reading this, you have concluded that you are in love, then congradulations. But if I were you, I'd be much more scared than happy. Because being in love also means being one of the most vulnerable people on the face of the earth, especially if you decide to love and hold nothing back. But if you trust your lover enough to protect you from this vulnerability, then you don't need me to say congradulations.

All I'll say to you is, "You lucky mother fucker, you are in Love."